How to Choose the Right Mediator for Your Dispute

March 28, 2025

Selecting a Mediator: Key Considerations for Success

If you're going through a divorce, child custody battle, or other legal dispute, mediation can be an excellent way to resolve the issues without the time, expense, and adversarial nature of litigation.  But the success of mediation often comes down to having the right neutral third-party mediator guiding the process.  Here are some tips on our to pick an effective mediator:


Get Referrals

Start by asking trusted friends, family members, attorneys, therapists or counselors if they can recommend any good mediators, especially those with experience handling cases similar to yours. You can also check listings from your local courthouse, the Hawaii State Bar Association, or professional mediation organizations.


Consider Their Background

Look for a mediator with formal training and certification in mediation techniques and processes. If it's a family law case, a mediator with a background in family law and family dynamics may be preferable. For other civil disputes, find someone with substantive knowledge of the legal issues involved.


Evaluate Their Style

Different mediators can have very different styles - some are more evaluative while others are purely facilitative. In your initial consultation, assess if their personal style is a good fit for you and your situation. If it's a high-conflict dispute, you may want a more assertive, reality-checking mediator.


Assess Their Credibility

A good mediator should have a track record of resolving cases without the parties having to go to court. You also want someone both parties can realistically trust and view as impartial.


Confirm Logistics

Make sure you understand all the logistics like where mediation will take place, if there are conference rooms, how costs are paid, and the mediator's policies around document sharing and confidentiality.


Value Persistence

Some cases don't fully resolve in the first session. A tenacious mediator who is willing to follow up extensively afterward with both parties can often eventually guide you to a settlement.



Above all, you want a mediator who makes both sides feel heard and comfortable engaging in honest, good-faith negotiations. With the right neutral third party asking insightful questions and keeping talks constructive, you're much more likely to hash out a resolution you can both live with.


September 29, 2025
Addressing Step-Parents, New Partners, and Co-Parenting Structures
August 23, 2025
Tips, Legal Considerations, and Co‑Parenting Guidance
July 17, 2025
Co-Parenting Tips for the School Year
April 26, 2025
If you're considering divorce in Hawaii, you’re likely navigating one of the most emotional and complex transitions of your life. You may be imagining long court battles, high legal fees, and months (or even years) of stress. But there’s another option— mediation —and it might be a better fit for your family, your finances, and your future. 1. Mediation is Less Expensive Than Court Legal fees can add up fast in a contested divorce. Between attorney retainers, filing fees, and court costs, traditional divorce can easily cost tens of thousands of dollars. Mediation, on the other hand, typically involves fewer billable hours and shared costs, making it a more affordable path forward. 2. It’s Quicker and More Flexible Court schedules can drag the divorce process out for months. Mediation sessions are scheduled at your convenience and often resolve issues much faster—sometimes in just a few sessions. It can be done either online or in person, giving you the flexibility to stay comfortable in your own space. You set the pace, not the court docket. 3. You Stay in Control In court, a judge makes the final decisions about your property, your finances, and your children. In mediation, you and your spouse work collaboratively with a neutral mediator to come to mutually agreeable solutions. This can feel more empowering and less adversarial. 4. It’s Private and Confidential Court proceedings are public record. Mediation, by contrast, is confidential. Sensitive family matters—like parenting concerns or financial struggles—stay private and are handled with discretion and compassion.  5. It’s Better for Co-Parenting If you’re raising children together, your relationship with your ex doesn’t end after the divorce is finalized. Mediation fosters communication and cooperation, which can lay the foundation for healthier co-parenting. Children benefit when parents can work together respectfully—even after separation. 6. It Honors Hawaii’s Cultural Values At Family Mediation Hawaii, we recognize the importance of aloha, ohana, and community. Mediation allows families to navigate change with respect and dignity, guided by culturally aware mediators who understand the local landscape. Is Mediation Right for You? If you and your spouse are willing to sit down with a neutral third party to discuss your options, mediation could be a great fit. Even in high-conflict situations, mediation can provide a calmer space to work through tough topics. 📅 Ready to explore your options? Fill out this intake form for a free consultation with Family Mediation Hawaii today. Let’s find a peaceful path forward—together.
By Katie Bennett December 4, 2024
A Mediator's Perspective on Holiday Co-Parenting
October 18, 2024
Surviving Divorce: From Scary Story to Success Story Like a Halloween tale that starts with fog rolling in and shadows lengthening, divorce can cast an eerie pall over your once-familiar life. The financial uncertainties, changing relationships, and unfamiliar terrain ahead might feel as daunting as a dark forest. But unlike those spooky stories, this one leads not to terror but to transformation. Let's turn on the lights and look at how to navigate these changes with confidence. Understanding Alimony Financial obligations like alimony can significantly impact your budget. Rather than viewing it as a burden, treat it as part of your new financial reality that requires strategic planning. Use this transition to review your spending, develop a sustainable budget, and possibly explore additional income sources. Many people find that post-divorce financial planning helps them develop stronger money management skills. Maintaining Parent-Child Relationships Perhaps the most significant challenge of divorce is adapting to spending less time with your children. While the adjustment is difficult, you can maintain strong connections through intentional effort. Regular video calls, shared activities, and consistent communication help preserve your bond. Many parents find that focused, quality time can be more meaningful than quantity alone. Creating a New Home Leaving a shared home often feels like a setback, but it's also an opportunity to create a space that supports your next chapter. Whether you're downsizing or relocating, focus on making your new place functional and comfortable. Consider this move a chance to declutter, reorganize, and design a space that works for your new lifestyle. Moving Forward Divorce marks a significant life transition, but it doesn't define your future. Focus on practical steps: building a support network, maintaining professional stability, and taking care of your physical and mental health. Many people discover unexpected strengths and opportunities for personal growth during this process. Conclusion While divorce brings undeniable challenges, approaching them pragmatically can help you navigate this transition successfully. Focus on what you can control: your finances, your relationships, and your personal growth. With time and attention to these key areas, you can turn this challenging chapter into a story of resilience and renewal.
September 3, 2024
Supporting Your Children Through the Storm
August 13, 2024
Save Money with Mediation
July 5, 2024
Top Reasons to Mediate
By Katie Bennett April 19, 2023
See the article: